Elevating Discourse: Paving The Pathway From Banter To Profound Intertwinements
How many of you here are using the power of life related bantering to start up a deep conversation?
I’m definitely one of them. Why? Well how well do you think you know a person when they only give you a bit of their information? Like names, nicknames or something that doesn’t have a potential to construct a meaningful and enduring conversation.
I would say people tend to get closer with the people who’s starting a conversation by saying things like “hey, i like your beanie, you look like a 17 years old derulo, you definitely ate it” rather than “hey you look cute in that beanie.” right? See the difference?
When it comes to a conversation we often get tight up to something general that also often leads to a sudden silence. My Perception might be irrational, but i will show you the fun side of being Mr. & Mrs Know it all that will encourage a person’s humor to reveal a lot of information about themselves.
What Is A Deep Conversation?
I have two perceptions on how I define what a deep convo is. Generally, out of any side, deep conversation is a meaningful and profound exchange of thoughts, ideas, emotions, and experiences between individuals. It often involves discussing complex or thought-provoking topics that go beyond surface-level discussions. Deep conversations typically delve into personal beliefs, values, aspirations, fears, and existential questions. They can be intellectually stimulating and emotionally engaging, fostering a deeper understanding and connection between the participants.
The word “deep” refers to something that can not be appointed. Deep can also be defined when two law students talk about the power of politics towards the election, or a philosophical student talks about human and religions, and so on. It basically encourages someone to put valuable thoughts towards the conversation whether they ended up agreeing on the same thing or not. Some people say arguments tend to make people closer by accepting and respecting the differences between them. That doesn’t work for me.
Stepping out from the general beliefs, what I meant by deep conversation is where someone brings unexpected stories that arise once we’re making fun of each other. No intention or a plan to dig deep about a person just slightly start a convo with something that has a potential for you to joke around to. The key to this is to analyze a person on the way they introduce themselves and their reaction when you reply. Always come up with a question or a possible relatable statement towards their replies. You know what’s really interesting? That feeling they both have at times when they experience something so relatable, it immediately strikes a chord within them. It’s like a doorway to a deeper connection.
Take notes that this might sound offensive to some people so this can not be rationally implemented to anyone you meet. It also depends on how well you can take a big U-turn once they feel offended towards the topics.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say when someone comes up with “Hey are you a new student here, majoring in chemistry too?”, instead of saying “yes, do you?” I’d rather say “hey..yes. How’d you know that? Is it my shirt that smells like carbonate or my glasses tell you I’m a nerd?. Once you can get along very well with a person, take a lite dive to initiate a deep convo by asking teasing questions like “do you really like chemistry or you have no choice but to play with liquids rather than dealing with a bunch of papers? Cause i’d rather play with liquids than arguing with people in a court lol”. Watch how they react, if it relates, keep going by asking any possible question and always.. always put yourself as a teased subject not the partner. Try to pretend that you are also relatable towards their statement. If they reply “No, I love chemistry, honestly I plan to create my own skincare brand, what do you think?”. Give them a shot like “wow really? well honestly i can see that CEO looks by the way you dress up though, also please don’t test your products on animals, test it on me instead”. These are the flows that I always try to put every time I try to mingle and this part will directly take you to my first point which is..
Pay A Unique Compliment
I might say this one is my sharpest weapon. As Maya Angelou once said “people will forget what you do, they will forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel”,, and that is what I call “first impression”. Same thing as giving compliments. compliments somehow can create magnetic connections in a way, but it can also be something stale as well.
How do we start? First is to believe that the first word flood gates. Be generous, be brave to open up a convo, let those words come out of your mouth. Open the gate, let all the water flow. Go out and give them a nice full compliment. This time give them a unique compliment.
So i have this believe that everyone has a “compliment immunity meter”. How can I measure this thing? Yes..exactly it comes from this experience i had. I met a graphic design student, I looked at her sketch and said “wow you’re so talented at this”, and i got zero reaction on her face. No smile, no stare. I would’ve stared at her and said “How come you have the audacity to give those reactions to me?. Turn out she’s immune to the word “talented”. She’s probably heard it million times that she can even give a better response to. It’s not that they are rude, it’s just the way they naturally respond to something that they commonly receive.
There are some words that each of us have developed an immunity to. It could be “cool”, or “nice”, or “beautiful” and so on. Stay away from these, instead try to come up with a unique genuine and constructive compliment and do not lie or pretend. Next time try to say “wow how is that possible a picture can give the exact same feeling when I’m actually visiting that place? Is it the color you’re using or is it just how your hand works naturally, Ms. picasso? And suddenly the whole person is just smiling.
You see? All it takes is to bring up something detailed that people in general rarely notice. Also ask for an opinion. All of us have opinions and we want them to be heard, right? Everyone wants validation and that is when you open up a two way street, that is where the real communication begins and soon you will be surprised on how much you can pick up about a person. Remember, always ask for a relatable opinion. Don’t instantly jump into other unrelated heavy topics.
Remember Their Pet Names, Favourite Places Etc.
The hardest part to build wide connections is to remember the name. I’m the worst when it comes to remembering people’s names. I always went like “oh you’re Emma, no emily, no but definitely something starts with m, right?”. A total disaster, I remember those angry judgy stares she gave me. Well. name is pretty crucial to the one who’s trying to make a deep connection, but what about the other details? Like pet names, their favorite bands, children’s names, something that will show a person that you are truly on the scent of them.
It’s like when you bump into someone you met earlier but you suddenly forgot their names but you have that one thing in mind that reminds you of them like their favourite bands, you’ll just have to go “hey girl, i heard BTS are leaving tomorrow for their military enlistment, will you be free tomorrow night to drink? i’ll take a good care of you while your husbands are away”, Or like “hey..I heard that you’ve visited the newest park here, will you be down to be my guide today? if you’re lucky they will immediately dive into a casual convo, once it flows well, you can find a possible convo gap to ask their names again though, but still make it less obvious.
Use The Power of Humor
Some people might think humor as a nice to have elements. But for me, humor is a must have. In today’s overworked, stress-filled, sleep-deprived culture humor is a necessity. Humor gets people to listen, it increases long-term memory retention and most importantly it brings people closer together. Speaking about humor? Some of you might ask what if i’m not good at it? What if i’m not that funny? What if they didn’t laugh at my jokes?. It’s true that no one in the world were born as a comedian with a humorous nature encoded in their DNA. Humor is a skill and if it’s a skill we can learn it.
Do not take a real structured course on how to be a comedian, well go ahead if you have that one point to achieve, but that was not the goal of my sharings here. I want you to naturally observe and react to those humans’ behavior. So how can I make myself funnier?
Entertain yourself, not others
I learned this lesson from an old friend. He always laughs about the dumbest things. It could be a gif depicting a squirrel falling from a tree, or funny lyrics. His sense of humor is what you could call simple. The point is, he is constantly entertaining himself. Himself is key because he doesn’t do it for others. Everyone is welcome to join him and see what’s so funny, but he doesn’t try to make others laugh. If they do, that’s cool. If they’re not, then he has fun on his own. By doing that others will get drawn to you, and become curious why you had so much fun. Everyone wants to be around fun people. It adds value to their lives. Trust me, no one ever forgets the one who made them laugh. But everyone forgets the clown who tried to be funny for two hours.
Be blunt, be controversial, be real
This is where you can use the power of bantering. To become memorable, it’s crucial to avoid consistently playing it safe. Many people strive for approval and steer clear of conflict. However, this approach places them in the middle, lacking distinctiveness. People tend to remember extremes rather than mediocrity. Therefore, express your thoughts openly and have a clear opinion, even if it may cause offense. Disagreeing when you have a differing perspective will also make you more interesting and memorable.
Be Unusual
When someone breaks the cultural norms of daily life it draws a lot of attention. Just think of random things to get the idea. However, there are also many ways to stand out in a positive light. The easiest is to prepare funny and interesting answers to standard questions like, “How are you?”, “What do you do?”, “Where are you from?”.You will get asked these questions thousands of times throughout your life. So it makes sense to sit down for a few hours and prepare great responses.
Establishing a profound relationship with a previously unknown individual also means reading a new book. This process requires a deliberate intention to comprehend an individual’s character by commencing with the prelude, proceeding to the introduction, and subsequently delving into the chapters. The quality of conversation is contingent upon the extent to which an individual permits you to delve into their innermost recesses; some may be unyielding or obstructive in this regard, and may be deemed flat or obstructive in your quest for information.
Connection means there are two individuals who are mutually attracted to each other, when it doesn’t go both ways, then leave. Do not limit yourself to a single individual when seeking to establish a significant relationship. While initial impressions are undoubtedly crucial, it is not solely these that determine the depth of a connection. Rather, the manner in which you make the other person feel and your distinctive behaviors that foster attachment are more critical factors. Human beings are multifaceted entities, composed of myriad personalities.
It is not imperative to inflict pain upon oneself in order to cultivate intimacy with another individual. Instead, you have the liberty to select the person with whom you wish to form a relationship, and the degree to which their presence will enhance your happiness is entirely within your discretion.
